This blog is more for me than anyone else. As the title of my blog states, I'm a fat man in a fat suit. I have been this way for years now, and don't want to be this way anymore. I'm 6 foot three and weigh about 335 pounds (of course it depends on whose scale you're using). I'm not big boned, I don't have thyroid problems, and I don't have any other medical condition that cause the weight. I know that the only person, or thing, I have to blame, is me. I guess if someone else does read this and it helps them, then even better.
Many years ago when I was in high school I think I maxed out at about 200 pounds. Ever since then it's been a roller coaster. However, this roller coaster spends most the time up than down. I've tried just about every diet you could think of, from Atkins die to Weight Watchers.
For the past week or so, I've been pretty down. I kept having a feeling that I should apologize to someone. I've been racking my brain trying to figure out who that could be. Today, I think I realized who it was. It was me. I don't have anyone to blame for the way I am other than me. I did this to myself, and I'm the one that needs to fix it. The number one thing that I noticed is that I lie to myself about what I eat. I lie to myself about what I eat, when I eat, and how much I eat. I think I know what a serving size should be. However when you look at that dice sized piece of cheese it is amazing how much you can add to a meal and keep telling yourself that it is only one or two servings. Of course, cheeses aren't my only problem. The lies I tell myself encompass just about everything I eat.
I also have a bad habit of eating when I'm bored. And for someone with ADHD, I get bored a lot. To make matters even worse, when I do bored eat, I usually don't record what I did end up eating when I am bored when I'm trying to track what I eat. I guess I try to lie my myself and tell me it doesn't exist, and that I didn't eat that. The scale doesn't lie though and the slow crawl up that it's been doing lately, well not really lately-more like years, is telling me that I've been lying a lot.
The weight I carry around has started cause problems with me. The most serious is probably diabetes. I know, big surprise a fat guy got diabetes. Not only can the problems I have caused myself end up causing serious issues for me, it's also very expensive (and I can think of plenty of things that I'd rather spend money on). Even more important to me than the money, is that I want to be here for my wife and my son. My wife and I just celebrated our 14th anniversary, which happens to be on my birthday which was this month – I'm 38 now, and I would like to be around for quite a few more (I'm not sure she feels that way sometimes but I'd like to hope so). I also want to be around for my son who is very much like me to the chagrin of my wife. I'd like to be around so that I can talk to him, and hope he doesn't make some mistakes I made in life. He is 10 right now it is scary how so very much he reminds me of me (too bad I wasn't diagnosed with ADHD when I was 10, it probably would save my mom a lot of heartache).
I know diet isn't the only thing I need to do. I need to get out and exercise. Working in IT as many hours as I usually end up working, it can get hard to do. I'd like to join a gym, but those can be expensive and putting my wife through nursing school so that she can get her bachelors in nursing is more important right now. When I was younger I used to ride a bicycle everywhere. I know people pretty much thought I was a nutcase. I would ride it for miles. When I worked for Disney, I think I lived over 22 miles away from work and I would ride that to and from everyday. When I wasn't riding to and from work, I spent a lot of time in downtown Orlando in the club scene dancing (or something you can call close to dancing). I am nowhere near that active anymore. It's pretty much work, come home and do some work around the house, bring my son to his activities, and chill out and go to bed. I actually like going outside and doing things so it's not like I'm afraid of being active. However, it's amazing what I can find to do other than going out and working out.
I hope by journaling what I do each day and try to Catch myself lying is much as I can I can turn this roller coaster around and start to lose weight. Well, really my goal and just to lose weight is to keep it off I would also like to be able to run again. I love being put on headphones and just running to relaxing to me. Just need to get everything under control scratch that I just need to lose the weight before I can run as my knees don't appreciate the 10 ton Hammer that I had them with when I run now.
Like I said, this is more for me but if anyone is helped by it and helps them realize what they're doing then even better. Not only do I need to make sure that don't lie to myself anymore, don't let any squirrels get in my way and distract me from writing this (which I hope will let me one day say that I was a fat man in a fat suit).
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